My inner world is a reflection of the outer world….sometimes it is bright and sunny (“Life’s a Beach” weather)…sometimes it’s partly cloudy….sometimes it’s a light drizzle…and sometimes it’s a full fledged tropical storm ( I suppose that this type of inner weather inspired the “Life’s a B-tch” mantra..!)….
The temptation is to try to achieve as many “beach” days as possible (could this be why I have gravitated to Florida…??), but when it rains, I console myself with the knowledge that our glorious planet would be one dry, nasty little dust bomb if it never rained.
Knowing that I definitely don’t want to wake up as a “dry, nasty little dust bomb”, I reluctantly allow my inner world to try to relax into those “indoor weather” days.
That’s a bit of a long intro, so let it suffice to say that I woke up yesterday knowing that in spite of the appearance of sun outdoors, inside my world was definitely a rainy weather day. In spite of the chipper “Tick Tock” song on my alarm, in spite of the lure of my favorite gym classes, and in spite of the yippity yaps of my three “furever” friends, the idea of burying myself more deeply under the covers and letting the world orbit without me seemed like the most palpable option at that moment. Yes, all analogies aside, this was a day when the stress factor seemed almost overwhelming. I wasn’t even in fight or flight mode. I was in the “why don’t you just hide” mode…
And as I lay there, trying to inch my way to better and better thoughts (which can seem truly IMPOSSIBLE when part of my mind insisted on belting out those “helpful little realities”–cough, sputter, wheeze— along the lines of “how on earth could you have gotten yourself into this….what happened…you should have, could have, would have…and we of course TOLD YOU SO….!), something quite magical happened….
This wee tiny little thought just popped into my head…suddenly…and unambitiously…it was like the person who pops into the party where everyone has decided to wear black, but this quiet little person has decided to wear this brilliantly bright red dress (or jacket) and all of sudden, the room’s world is a brighter place.
“Inside your fears is a dream waiting to make itself heard….”
As I poked at this small but mighty thought, I felt that first little ray of sunshine dance into my inner world. A new seed had sprouted and the roots were taking hold. I got out of bed and began my morning with this odd sense of hope and faith in my path–when moments ago, I felt like my road had been blocked by a landslide. As I maneuvered through my chores, my mind began to play with this new guest…this interesting new perspective that proclaimed itself to be a “reality”. Could I embrace this as a “real” belief? Would it pass the taste test? I poked and prodded some more and inched my way gingerly back to the computer.
My fear was that the day would bring more challenges…but if fear was just the wrapping paper for the dream that lay inside, could I coax myself to peel away that wrapping and focus instead on uncovering the gift? I took a breath…a deeeeeeep breath….yes, I could feel that I was already able to find some thoughts that allowed me to definitely begin to feel little tingles of hope…it was still a glimmer, but it was definitely better….
It was not unlike taking myself to the gym, but this time, instead of exercising my body, I was exercising my mind….at first, “lifting” those hopeful thoughts to a point where they felt genuine and natural was a bit hard. I have been immensely helped by the ideas shared by Abraham-Hicks, so I knew to start “general”. I left the “how will I accomplish” and “when will it get here” questions for my “universal trainer” to figure out. I just began gently focusing on the things that WERE going well, the things that I HAVE improved in my world, and what it feels like when it feels really good….!!! How DOES that successful sensation feel? What DO I feel like I really love doing–and therefore do it well? And haven’t so many “successful” individuals had some amazing stories to tell? What would be my story?
Suddenly, I had that little jolt of energy, for no “logical” reason (if you were basing logic on the stresses that I was facing at work). But–guess what? I had SHIFTED my logic…. my logic had suddenly bought into the belief that these reasons for optimism were real…yes…REAL! They FELT real, so I was off and running and ready to energize my day!
Well, here’s where the “cool, weird” part landed… my phone rang…and an official legal document that I feared was in jeopardy (and that supposedly would take up to 3 months to resolve) was approved and ready to go…yes, it had only taken 2 weeks!!! I got two emails from clients saying that their slow payments were being overnighted to me. Presto! My cash flow was instantly better… New clients called…and my world was suddenly an easier place to breathe. The rain had definitely created some new blooms in the process. Ideas were flowing and I was once again seeing signs of the “ener-joy” (energy+ joy….yes, I am a solid believer in creating my own vocabulary!).
I don’t know exactly what my dream to end all dreams is. I find that I have many dreams–and that they change with my own inner ebb and flow. But, I can say this, by lightly gliding through the fear, I did find more focus…a finer tuning…revived hope and vision. I am not a big fan of stress and daunting challenges, but maybe that’s where courage comes in… Perhaps courage is that little voice that bravely proclaims in the midst of those inner demons:
“Inside your fears is a dream waiting to make itself heard…”
Courage is the moment when you take that next step forward….
Wishing you all your own moments of bliss and courage…